In one of the most powerful episodes of the Confident You podcast, I had the honor of sitting down with Victoria Icenhower—a self-love scientist, sex coach, and true visionary. We unpacked her incredible journey from people-pleasing to radical self-acceptance and sexual confidence. Victoria’s story isn’t just inspiring—it’s a tangible roadmap for anyone, especially women, who want to break free from societal expectations and reclaim their worth, pleasure, and power.
I wanted to share the heart of our conversation with you here on the blog, along with actionable steps you can take if you're ready to start or deepen your own journey of self-love and empowerment.
Recognizing the Need for Change: The Power of Self-Awareness
Victoria’s transformation started with something so many of us can relate to—a deep dissatisfaction, even though everything on the surface looked “successful.” She had checked all the boxes and still felt like something vital was missing.
What really struck me was:
Listening to your inner voice: Victoria talked about this persistent feeling that there had to be “more”—more joy, more authenticity, more fulfillment. That internal nudge is so often the first sign that something in our life needs to shift.
Acknowledging disconnection: She helped me see that feeling out of alignment, even when life looks good on paper, is a valid signal. It’s not a sign of failure—it’s an invitation to go deeper.
Identifying patterns: She became aware of the ways she was people-pleasing and adopting habits that ultimately led to regret and shame.
Try this:
Journal regularly: Ask yourself—where am I out of alignment? Where am I saying “yes” when I mean “no”?
Practice mindful reflection: Each week, check in. Are you living for others’ approval or your own joy?
Setting Boundaries: The Foundation of Self-Respect
One of Victoria’s most powerful lessons came from learning to say “no.” It wasn’t easy at first, but it was game-changing.
Her insights were a revelation:
Boundaries are a form of self-care: Saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s a way to protect your energy and well-being.
Trusting your intuition: She shared a story about canceling a trip with people who no longer aligned with her values—and how doing so created space for new opportunities.
Boundaries lead to growth: Every time you honor your needs, you send yourself the message: “I matter.”
What you can do:
Start practicing “no”: Begin with small things—declining requests that don’t serve you.
Use clear, kind communication: Say things like, “I need some time for myself this weekend.”
Reflect on the result: How do you feel when you set a boundary? What opens up for you?
Prioritizing Self-Care: Reconnecting with Your Body and Desires
After losing her job, Victoria leaned into self-care, and it was transformational. Meditation, yoga, and other mindful practices helped her reconnect with her body and uncover what she truly desired.
What stood out to me:
Self-care is holistic: It’s not just bubble baths—it’s emotional, physical, and spiritual nourishment.
Explore what feels good: She encouraged “dating yourself” to discover what brings you pleasure and joy, on your own terms.
Self-pleasure is empowerment: Knowing your desires is foundational for healthy intimacy and confidence.
Try this:
Create a self-care ritual: Dedicate daily time to something nurturing—meditation, movement, journaling, or rest.
Reconnect with your body: Yoga, dancing, or any form of mindful movement helps you feel grounded.
Explore your pleasure: Spend time alone discovering what you enjoy, with zero judgment.
Embracing Vulnerability: Overcoming Shame and Insecurity
Victoria opened up about doing a boudoir photoshoot—a scary but liberating experience that helped her embrace her femininity and confront lingering insecurities.
Her experience was eye-opening:
Vulnerability is strength: Stepping out of your comfort zone is exactly where transformation happens.
Challenge your inner critic: She initially felt awkward and self-conscious, but through the process, she began to see herself in a powerful new light.
Celebrate small wins: Every act of courage builds our confidence muscle.
Here’s what I recommend:
Try something new: Maybe it’s a bold outfit, a photoshoot, or saying something aloud you’ve kept hidden.
Practice affirmations: Remind yourself daily that you are worthy, beautiful, and enough.
Document your growth: Whether through writing, photos, or creative expression—honor your journey.
Reclaiming Sexual Confidence: Breaking Societal Taboos
One of the most impactful parts of our conversation was Victoria’s commitment to helping women reclaim their sexuality—and dismantle the shame that often comes with it.
What I learned:
Society teaches us to feel guilt about pleasure: Victoria spoke so beautifully about how ingrained these taboos can be—and how damaging they are.
Sexuality is natural and sacred: Embracing your desires is a bold, radical act of self-love.
Safe conversations heal shame: Talking openly in supportive spaces can be life-changing.
Take a step:
Educate yourself: Read books, tune into empowering podcasts, or attend workshops about sexuality and confidence.
Find community: Surround yourself with people who can talk about these topics with honesty and compassion.
Work with a coach: Professional support can be an invaluable part of healing your relationship with your sexuality.
Building Community: The Importance of Support and Connection
Victoria created “Bloom,” her program and private Facebook group, to offer women a safe place to grow and connect. The power of that community can’t be overstated.
This really hit home for me:
You’re not alone: So many women are on this journey—community makes the path feel less lonely.
Shared stories inspire: Hearing others' breakthroughs can spark your own.
Support makes change sustainable: Encouragement and accountability are the glue that holds personal growth together.
Get connected:
Seek out like-minded folks: Whether it’s online or in-person, look for communities rooted in self-love and empowerment.
Be active: Share, ask, respond. Give and receive support.
Try group coaching: A structured container like Bloom can supercharge your journey.
Taking Action: How to Start Your Own Journey
What I loved most about Victoria’s story was how it all began with one step. You don’t need to have everything figured out—you just need to begin.
She reminded me:
Invest in yourself: Growth requires time, energy, and sometimes money. You are worth that investment.
Start where you are: Don’t wait for the “perfect moment.” It doesn’t exist. Just start.
Ask for help: Coaches, therapists, and supportive peers are there to walk with you.
So if you’re ready:
Connect with Victoria: You can find her on Instagram (@victoria_icenhower) or email her at victoria.lotuslifestyle@gmail.com.
Set a small goal: Maybe it’s saying no, journaling daily, or exploring your self-care practice. Start there.
Celebrate your progress: Even the tiniest step forward is worthy of acknowledgment.
Final Thoughts
Victoria Icenhower’s journey from people-pleaser to self-love scientist is one I’ll carry with me for a long time. Her courage, insight, and vulnerability reminded me—and hopefully you—that we are all worthy of love, pleasure, and happiness.
This journey to self-acceptance isn’t linear, and it’s not always easy. But it is absolutely possible—and so worth it. The end of one chapter can be the beginning of a bold, beautiful new era.
Ready to take that first step?
Your most confident, empowered self is waiting.
From People Pleaser to Self Pleasurer, Victoria is the Self Love Scientist, sex coach, and visionary who has empowered countless individuals to reclaim their sexual confidence and embrace a life of pleasure and fulfillment.
With a journey rooted in personal transformation Victoria has risen above the challenges of corporate burnout, battling boundaries, divorce and turned it into a catalyst for growth and empowerment. Drawing from her own experiences, she has become an expert in guiding others through the complex terrain of intimacy, self-discovery, and empowerment.
As a Self-Love Scientist, Victoria understands the profound impact that a healthy relationship with oneself has on overall well-being and sexual empowerment. She has dedicated time to studying and developing transformative techniques and methodologies that blend self-love, psychology, and sexuality, unlocking the secrets to personal fulfillment and ecstatic pleasure.
With a compassionate and non-judgmental approach Victoria creates a safe and empowering space for her clients to explore their desires, overcome limitations, and redefine their narratives around self love, sex and relationships. Her coaching style is personalized, intuitive, and deeply transformative, helping individuals tap into their authentic sensual selves with confidence and power.
Connect with Victoria here:
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